Self-help writer Heather Havrilesky recently detailed the reasons she hates her husband in the pages of The New York Times, and suggested every wife secretly feels the same way.
“Do I hate my husband? Oh for sure, yes, definitely,” Havrilesky wrote in the Friday essay, headlined “Marriage Requires Amnesia.”
My husband and I have been together over 18 years. We are both flawed people, myself by far the more flawed of us two. (This is not self-deprecation. It is simply true.)
I would never, on my ugliest, angriest day, write something like this about him. Much less publish it. https://t.co/Zlqse6vq1F
— Daniel “Latkes & Eggnog” Summers, MD (@WFKARS) December 28, 2021
Havrilesky, the author of “Ask Polly,” explained that married people see each other all too clearly, so that while she loves her husband, Bill, she can barely stand him after 15 years of matrimony:
- On knowing her husband: “I see Bill with a scorching clarity that pains me.”
- On what she sees each morning: “He is exactly the same as a heap of laundry: smelly, inert, almost sentient but not quite.”
- On listening to your spouse: “This is why surviving a marriage requires turning down the volume on your spouse so you can barely hear what they’re saying.”
- On paying attention to your spouse: “This is just how it feels to be doomed to live and eat and sleep next to the same person until you’re dead. Because the resolution on your spouse becomes clearer and clearer by the year, you must find compensatory ways to blur and pixelate them back into a soft, muted, faintly fantastical fog.”
- On sharing a life together: “Surviving a marriage requires self-care, time alone, time away, meditation, escape, selfishness.”
Anticipating her critics, Havrilesky wrote: “‘Well, speak for yourself. I don’t hate my husband,’ one of you holier-than-thou marrieds might announce, folding your hands primly in your lap.”
- “Do you think I can’t see your left eye twitching ever so slightly, as you resolve to never let each little irritation add up and move into your conscious mind like a plastic bag floating out to sea and then joining the Great Pacific Garbage Patch?” she responded.
- “I admire your restraint. But you can’t spend 17 years with someone as noisy as my husband and never let it get under your skin.”
Earlier this year, the Times published an essay arguing that divorce is good for children and families.